Blog vs Vlog

So I hinted in my last video, a little bit, about my family. I wanted to expand on that here, for whatever reason. Basically I am transgendered in the sense that I have always thought of myself as a woman, and I have always wanted to look the way I feel, and be looked at by others in that same light.

My mother discovered me when I was like 15 or 16. I was dressing up before school once, and I purged everything before my mom saw me--everything except the lipstick. LOL. We talked about it, she wasn't happy, but I was mostly honest with her. I blunted some of the details, but she got the general idea.

My father, well I told him when I was 18. My mother never said anything to him -- as to protect me. I think she thought that it might be that I had just been going through a phase, and it wouldn't be worth disrupting the family dynamics for something that might pass naturally anyway. I was/am a coward. I called my father from college, a seven hour drive away, and told him everything. He was mostly blank and despondent. It was hard to know he felt.

Since then there's no mistaking how much he LOATHES the idea of my transition, and loathes me by association. He doesn't quite understand what it is to be transgendered, and he refuses to listen. I have tried many times since I was 18 to get through to him. Sometimes defensively, upon being discovered, but most recently--proactively. All I want is to retain my family, whom I adore, and still transition. Without the fear of losing any of them.

My mom loves me and we have a good, somewhat tentative relationship right now, that's approximately 'mother/daughter-esque'. My father has always been another story, but something has changed recently. He always used to say he would disown me if I became a woman, but he doesn't say that anymore. His position now? If I can become a 'real woman', indistinguishable from any other woman, he would be more accepting of me. That's not to say he wants me to be that, but he prefers it better to the dual life syndrome of any transgendered person in midway transition. I have to say, that that is one thing we both have in common.